This is a love letter from you to you, from me to me, during difficult times. Print it out, fill it out, and post it on your bedroom or bathroom mirror.
It’s been a while since I checked in with you, and vice versa. The pandemic became the center of our lives and a major distraction. So much has changed in our outer world that may be affecting our inner world. Depression. Anxiety. Grief. Walking on eggshells. Fatigue, both mentally and physically. Confusion. We’ve suffered tough losses, some that may be painfully fresh. You may have lost someone or multiple people.
Do you find
yourself having angry outbursts for no particular reason? Jumping at loud or
unexpected sounds? Withdrawing from the world and the people around you? Sinking
into sudden bouts of sadness and despair? You may be coping with the effects of
a traumatic event you experienced.
I can remember driving toward a traffic light after a shopping
trip. A young man ran out into the street in front of the car right in front of
me and was launched into the sky before hitting the inner median. I still am
not sure how witnessing this tragedy may have affected me. It was all so
sudden.
Being constantly teased and bullied as a child can be traumatic for many—even when they have reached middle age!
Kids who have been subjected to school shootings often struggle
with the after effects of these traumatic events. Adults have difficulty
coping, so imagine what trauma does to a young, not-yet fully developed mind.
Women who experience divorce sometimes struggle with trauma and
shock at having to adjust to life without their significant others.
And after the shock of experiencing the beginning of a global pandemic in the year 2020, it is difficult to find someone who isn’t dealing with some level or form of trauma. Families are struggling with grief due to the loss of loved ones, watching them slowly or suddenly pass away, friends losing friends, and nervousness about even being around others in public.
Media reporting doesn’t make things much better, constantly
publishing fear stories that can cause anxiety to ripple through communities.
Not to mention the recession that took root in 2020, causing many to lose their
jobs and sense of stability.
Understanding
Trauma
A trauma is a shock to the system that can affect the mind, body,
and sometimes even a person’s spirit or set of beliefs. The American
Psychological Association defines it as “an emotional response to a terrible
event.”
There are numerous studies about how trauma can affect the body
and the brain. One day you are cruising through life, with everything going as
you think it should, and the next you are hit with a whammy. In major cases, you
might eventually become completely confused as to why you’re even here on this
planet called Earth. You may get caught up in your thoughts of the past,
instead of living in the present and looking forward to the future. Trauma and
anxiety are linked because it can cause a person to live in constant fear of
experiencing that situation again.
Trauma can come in many different forms, from losing someone close
to you, to going through some type of combat (PTSD), to witnessing an accident
or tragedy (like 9/11). And sometimes you don’t even realize that your mind and
your body have been affected by this trauma until there is some type of
trigger.
Potential
Effects and Symptoms of Trauma
How do you know you are struggling with the effects of trauma? These
are some of the possible symptoms:
Physical reactions, like nervous gut, headaches, nausea, and/or insomnia.
Making rash decisions, or choices that aren’t beneficial.
Withdrawing from the world; pushing people away; social anxiety.
Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
Angry outbursts or mood fluctuations.
Random flashbacks to the traumatic event.
Ways to Deal
with Trauma
Finding a therapist who specializes in treating the effects of
trauma, one that you feel comfortable with, is ideal. There are a few different
trauma therapy options, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure
Therapy. But what do you do to cope when you can’t find a therapist who can
help you at the moment? Here are just a few suggestions:
Acknowledge that you are experiencing trauma, and recognize that it is not your fault.
Counteract a negative thought with a positive one. For instance, as soon as a negative remembrance or flashback comes to mind, attempt to picture yourself in your favorite place, somewhere peaceful, or remembering a fun time you had with friends.
It sounds cliché, but meditation can help. All it requires is shutting off outside influences for at least a few minutes and taking a moment to concentrate on you. It helps get you centered. Yoga and other forms of exercise can also help.
Stay busy with something that interests you, whether it’s a hobby or a business goal.
Talk to a professional about sleeping aids that will be right for you if you’re having trouble getting to sleep at night. It is so important to get your proper rest.
Hopefully, if you’re coping with trauma, you’ll be able to find
the help that you need to heal. Understand that you are not to blame, and that
you’re not alone. Reject guilt and shame. Take care of yourself because you
matter.
Love Lynn
* This information
is partly based on personal experiences, and is not meant as a substitute for the
advice and counseling of a professional.
If you analyze each day, you’ll probably notice a number of small things that happen throughout that can trigger you to anger, annoyance, or maybe just a bit of an upset that throws you off balance for a while. It might be helpful to take note of those things and recognize how they may be affecting how things go for you, in the short term and long term.
A hair that just won’t stay in place, no matter how many times you brush or
comb it down. The zipper that gets stuck when you are in a rush to head out of
the door. The cellphone keypad that keeps delivering the wrong letter.
When you are in a state of anxiety, frustration, or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes the smallest of triggers can set you off in a number of ways. A trigger can make you suddenly have a verbal outburst of anger, make you cry, or cause you to self-medicate. Here are a few triggers that could be affecting your anxiety levels and stealing your joy or productivity.
Buttons Repeatedly
Pressed
Have you ever been watching a movie or television show and find
yourself having to press the buttons multiple times before getting a response?
How many times would you say you press a button each day, whether it’s a remote
control, smartphone, tablet, or other piece of technology?
Sideways Comments
from Others
If you’ve ever been around a group of people, there always seems to be at least one that has to make sideways comments and try to start drama with you or others. When struggling with anxiety, it can become more and more difficult to ignore those comments. Yet, when you pay them attention, you’re giving them what they want, and distracting yourself from what YOU want.
A Dripping Faucet
Drip, drop, drip, drop. Every time you enter the room you hear that constant sound inside of the silence. This can be a triggering thing for some people, especially when it’s happening on a daily basis. Sometimes the issue can easily be remedied by simply tightening something up.
A Loud Sudden Noise
This is particularly triggering for someone who struggles with PTSD. Out of nowhere, a loud noise that leaves you wondering, “what the *** was that?” This is an issue for some people during July 4th Independence day displays and other celebrations, which sometimes last for days.
Those Annoying “Bugs”
There are few things as irritating as when you have an outdoor picnic or barbecue and the bugs won’t leave you alone. When flys, gnats, ants, wasps, and other insects invade your space it can be triggering, causing you to lose your calmness and relaxation. Have you ever seen someone scream and slap around themselves trying to get a bug away? It can be humorous to see, but it can also trigger someone’s anxiety.
People can also “bug” you, constantly trying to disturb your peace.
Slow Internet
Some of us thought we’d be living like The Jetsons by now. But in the early 21st century it’s difficult to even get a steady, consistent, reasonably fast internet connection. Constantly waiting for things to load. I know that my thoughts and ideas come to me very quickly, and I like to get them down as soon as possible. But technology seems to hold me back from doing that sometimes.
Kibbles and Bits and Bits and Bits…
If you are a cat owner like me, you know how annoying it can be to have to clean up after your pets. They leave trails of litter from the litter box all around your house and often will drop food kibbles in the most random of places. You step on them when getting out of the shower. You see them in your kitchen and dining room. Seeing these small kibbles and bits can be triggering, if you allow it to become an annoying issue instead of just sweeping things up every week.
Tangled Cords
Have you ever found yourself fighting with cords? Trying to detangle a cellphone cord, computer cord, or the cord to your vacuum? The patience wears things after a while. Obviously, the solution is to take the time to wrap the cords properly after each use, but when you are overwhelmed it can be difficult to do the obvious.
Once you start to recognize these triggers, it may be easier to work through them. Take a few deep breaths, acknowledge the issue, and then either fix it or laugh it off. You are in control.
What are some of the triggers you deal with on a daily basis? And how you can manage them more productively?
A lot of
people talk about mental illness as if it spontaneously occurs one day. Maybe
they assume that the person was born with the issue, or it is simply a chemical
imbalance. That there is something inherently or biologically wrong with the
person who has depression, anxiety or similar issues. And that may be true for
certain advanced disorders.
Yet as
someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, I don’t
believe that it is all about biology. I believe many mental issues are deeply
rooted in circumstance.
I
don’t really like calling them “illnesses.” I think that many mental health
issues are symptoms of things that
are going on in that person’s life.
From
my experience, a lot of people who struggle with their mental health have those
issues due to the toxic people in their lives. Toxic people are those who may
or may not be aware of their negativity and choose to spread it around any
chance they get. They feed off of making other people feel sad, angry,
frustrated, or defeated.
It could
be that “friend” who makes you feel less than, as if you are lucky to
be in their presence. Constantly launching veiled insults. Insecurity and
depression.
The
parent who either ignores you, mistreats you, or treats you like you don’t
really matter. And when you say something in your defense, they tell you to
stop being a crybaby because that’s how they were raised (who knows why someone
would want to raise another generation that way when they’re miserable!). I think
this begins to breed low self-esteem and depression in very young people.
That one
sibling who constantly puts you down instead of bringing you up as they should.
Depression, low self-esteem, and imposter syndrome.
That
bully who bothered you every day you went to school, because he or she was
miserable and probably being bullied at home. Anxiety and depression.
Watching
a loved one be abused or treated badly for a long period of time. Anxiety.
Many
people who struggle with substance abuse problems are affected by the toxic
people in their lives who don’t understand them or don’t even care to
understand.
Many
people who struggle with depression feel abandoned and judged by the people who
they would expect to support them.
Guilt and Shame
I have
said before in my books and blog posts that guilt and shame are two of the most
useless emotions. If you are feeling guilt and shame around your mental wellness,
you shouldn’t. These two emotions are used to make people feel low and like
they cannot rebound from whatever challenges they are experiencing.
Push the
guilt and shame aside, and look forward to the future. What’s in the past is in
the past—leave it there. Believe that there are better things on the horizon.
Many people give up on life because they fall victim to guilt and shame and do
not recover.
Limit Your Contact with Toxic People
It isn’t
always possible to completely remove yourself from the presence of toxic people,
whether they are friends or family members. But if you can, at the very least
limit your contact with them. And when they start to affect you in a negative
way, whether with actions or words, leave the situation as soon as
possible.
Do not allow
yourself to mix in with their misery soup.
Understand
that if you are dealing with mental health issues, it is not necessarily you or
your biology that is the main problem. It could be overexposure to toxic people
who you are forced to be around whether due to familial ties, work, or people
who want you to believe they are friends. See how things go if you stay away
from toxic folks for two weeks or more and spend more time with yourself, in
peace.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, there have been numerous studies
and conversations surrounding the epidemic of loneliness. Even before covid,
people were becoming increasingly isolated due to social media, technology,
cellphones (texting instead of talking), depression, grief, and other reasons.
Post-pandemic, a lot of people are really feeling the struggle
when it comes to being alone almost all the time, including those who have
found no other choice than to quarantine and avoid meeting up with others.
Experts have revealed that loneliness could have numerous effects on people,
including physical and mental health issues, if this lifestyle isn’t managed
properly.
We can forge better relationships with friends and family so
that we increase the possibilities of having meaningful social interactions now
and in the future. At the same time, unfortunately, we can’t force people to
spend more time with us to “cure” our loneliness. But we can learn how to get
more comfortable with being alone and enjoying our own company over time. Here
are a few tips for how we can overcome feelings of loneliness and sadness, and
think more optimistically for the future.
Maintain High Standards
for Yourself
I talk about this in my book Sing While You’re Single. No matter how low, alone, or sad you may
feel, strive to maintain a certain standard for yourself (personal hygiene and
looks) and the place where you live (keeping it tidy, organized, and smelling
good). Even if it’s just brushing and flossing your teeth meticulously each day
or wiping down your kitchen counter so that it gleams. Just do it, it’s for
you. You might feel lonely every now and again, but at least you can look good
and feel good in your home—make it your Oasis.
Be Good to the Good
People You Still Have in Your Life
Nearly a decade ago I was angry and resentful of pretty much
everyone in my life because I felt that they abandoned me in my time of need.
Well, you know what? I had to get over that because it was
making me increasingly isolated and even more angry at life and people. That
approach wasn’t working. So, I began to study Universal principles and listen
to motivational speakers and authors. It calmed me and gave me some sense of
hope. I worked on myself and forgave whoever I thought wronged me. Truth be
told, most people do not care if you are mad at them. Some don’t even know. There
is no point hanging onto negative feelings about others—instead, focus on the
decent people you know or encounter and build better relationships with them.
Be About Your Business
It is difficult to feel lonely, unhappy, and caught up in
negative thoughts when you are busy with something that you are passionate
about. Get busy doing something that you love, whether it is working on a plan
to generate extra income, studying your craft to become a high-end expert, or working
on your artwork.
Remember though: everything in moderation. Avoid becoming a
workaholic to the point where you lose yourself or get distracted from other
aspects of living well, such as preparing healthy meals, getting exercise, and
staying in touch with loved ones.
Continue to Actively
Participate in the World
Feelings of loneliness are exacerbated when you start to
isolate yourself in your home and not actively participate in the world. Make
efforts to go outside as much as possible and stay active. You can take a walk
in a park with an ice-cold Snapple or smoothie, go to a shopping center even
just to window shop, or just go outside your house and have a short
conversation with a neighbor.
Just make every effort to go outside and interact with the
world in some way. Breathe in the fresh air. Regular exercise outdoors is renewing
and invigorating. See if there may be an outdoor fitness class you can join
that allows for proper social distancing or find a quiet, safe place where you
can practice yoga stretches.
Recognize When You’re
Talking to Your Higher Power
When you feel like you may be talking to yourself, it might
really be that you’re talking to your Higher Power, a guardian angel, or maybe
a loved one who passed. I don’t think you are really alone if you believe that.
Deep down you know that someone who cares about you is listening. Be comforted
by that when you are feeling lonely.
It Takes Time to Get
Used to Being with Yourself
It can take months or years before you finally become
comfortable with just being alone with yourself, whether it’s at home cooking, going
to an outdoor restaurant by yourself for a special meal, or just going for a
walk on the beach. But there’s a good chance that you might learn to like it:
the peace of not having to entertain other people’s personalities or
proclivities and just do whatever YOU want.
Sometimes when I am with others, I look forward to getting
back to my solitude, peace, and calm. I love myself, I like myself, and I enjoy
spending time alone. But that took time.
Despite a number of personal tragedies that were out of my
control, I am still optimistic that things can get better. You may be able to
relate. This “epidemic of loneliness” does not have to become our new normal. I
believe that we can return to having stronger connections with others while
also being safe and responsible. We take things day by day, step by step, show
genuine care for ourselves and our loved ones, and focus on positive thoughts
for the future.
Your home
should be a place of respite, where you feel relaxed and happy. It’s where you
recharge to face your day boldly. To achieve that feeling, you should you have
everything that you might need in your house or apartment. Some things that
seem like wants are actually needs, because they make your life easier and more
comfortable. Consider these 21 items you would want to keep in your house to
make it feel more like home.
1. A Good Cup (Or 3)
There are so many beverages that you probably consume on a daily basis, whether it’s tea, milk, a smoothie, or a health drink. Sometimes all you need is the right cup to make your beverage more appetizing and appealing. For example, I like to drink green health drinks, so I purchased a green blender bottle to use just for this reason. And have you ever watched British television shows where they are always having a “spot of tea.” They use the most delightful tea cups and tea sets to serve it. It’s better to sip tea from a beautiful little cup and saucer than from a plain mug.
2. A Covered Trash Can
If you own or lease a home and have to take your garbage out weekly, those rascally night creatures are sure to start jumping in your food trash. The result is a mess you’ll have to clean up in the morning. So, it’s important to have a solid trash can with a secure lid. You can buy lids by themselves, separate from the trash can, on Amazon. I recently purchased this one.
3. A Back Support Pillow
If you’re among the millions of people who are working from home now, you might miss the stability of sitting in an office chair that has some support for your back. Invest in a back support pillow to help keep your back aligned properly as you work, or even when you’re just watching television. You can also get a back girdle for support to wear when you’re sitting.
4. Disinfectant Wipes
It may be difficult to find them right now, but if you can find disinfectant wipes, get a few bottles for your house. Keep one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, and one in the living area of your house. Use them sparingly for quick disinfecting of surfaces, items you bring into the house, and your electronics.
5. Candles (For Multiple Reasons Including Self Care)
A friend of mine invited me to a candle making event. It was surprisingly fun and enlightening. I made a candle with lavender and jasmine scents. I was (and is) wonderful. Sometimes you just have to light a candle and get a whiff of those lovely smells to make your home feel more comfortable and relaxed. It’s also nice to have a candle’s soothing scents while you’re having a bath or listening to music.
6. A Package of Hot Oil Caps or Thermal Hair Cap
When your hair is dry and crackly, it is more likely to start breaking off at the ends. A hot oil treatment or deep conditioning leave in can help repair some of the damage. Keep a package of hot oil caps in your bathroom for those days when you decide to treat your hair–you can find them in the dollar store. Or just invest in a thermal cap for your hair. It helps keep the heat in so that the product can do its job.
7. A Good Chair or Recliner
Everyone needs their own chair. A place where they sit with regularity. A place where they feel the most comfortable, like they are where they are supposed to be. Find a special chair or recliner that fits you, your style (color, fabric, etc.), and your space.
8. A Comfy Robe
Have you ever been to a hotel where they provided plush robes? It’s heavenly. You can have that at home. Get yourself an oversized, thick, plush robe in whatever color you prefer to use for your showers or baths. You can also just use it to walk around the house on Saturdays and Sundays in the fall or winter.
9. Air Purifier
Do you have cats or dogs as pets? If so, you can bet that their hair is flying in the air constantly. Pet dander isn’t the only thing that can irritate your nose, also the pollen that flies in the air during the spring and summer. An air purifier can help clear up a lot of the irritants that float in the air during the year. You can find one for under $100, set it up in the room where you sneeze the most, then move it to other rooms throughout the day. Totally worth it.
10. Water Filtering Pitcher
I like to drink high quality water from springs, reverse osmosis, or with electrolytes. When there was a potential issue finding these waters I realized that I needed a back-up plan. So, I bought a water filtering pitcher. It removes unwanted materials from your faucet water. If you have pets, this is a very useful item to have in your home.
11. Chromecast Device or Compatible TV
When you’re forced to stay in the house for a long period of time, it helps to have access to great shows to keep you occupied. I mean of course you can always read a book or busy yourself with a hobby, but sometimes it just helps to watch a television show. I prefer shows that teach me things about human nature, science, or things of the past. One item you might want to keep in your house is a Chromecast device or similar, or a television that has the casting capability built in.
12. Privacy Curtains
What’s the point of having a window if you can’t look out of it or let the sun shine in? A privacy curtain allows you to look out and bring light into your home while blocking viewing from the outside. They come usually in white, but I believe they may be available in other colors.
13. A High-Quality Moisturizer and Lotion
The skin is the body’s largest organ, and it needs nourishment on a regular basis. It’s important to have a good moisturizer for your face and lotion for the rest of your body. I like Gold Bond products. For my face, I currently prefer SheaMoisture products. Find what works for you, and keep an ample supply in your bathroom or bedroom.
14. Beans and Rice
In the early weeks of the 2020 crisis, I told everyone I cared about to stock up on beans and rice. They laughed at me. But when it comes down to it, these are two of the most reliable ingredients you can have in your pantry. They last a long time and really fill you up Just get a few bags and store them away. Then carry on with life as usual.
15. A Pair of Oversized Sweats and Hoodie
Everyone doesn’t have the time to get dressed to the nines to go out to grocery shop or run errands. It helps to have a handy pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to put on when you just have to run out quickly or do some work in your yard.
16. Organizing Baskets
Are your things strewn all over a table or on your bathroom sink? You will be pleasantly surprised by how wonderful you’ll feel when it’s all organized into baskets. Finally, you can find things quickly and feel good about how your space looks.
17. Lawn Mower or Trimmer
If you’re a homeowner, you know how important it is to maintain your yard. You need tools to keep things in order. At the very least have a trimmer to get rid of weeds. If you can, invest in a lawn mower to keep things tidy.
18. A Good Non-Stick Pan
Most of your meals are probably going to have to be prepared or heated up in a frying pan, so make sure you have a good one. Non-stick pans like this one are usually very easy to use and clean. Pick a non-stick pan that will last you for at least a year or two.
19. Wall Power Station with Cellphone Charging Slots and Surge Protection
Turn two plugs into three or more when you buy a wall power station. Simply plug the wall power station into your existing power slots and add the screws provided as needed. Have a handyman or professional help you with this if you’re unfamiliar. This will allow you to charge your cellphones quickly and easily. You’ll also have more space for other electronic needs.
20. Large Tote Containers
If there is one thing you’ve probably learned after having to quarantine in your house for months, it’s that you need a stash of food, cleaners, and other household needs. Make sure you have one or two large tote containers that you can seal and keep in your pantry or a cool room.
21. Battery Powered Radio (And All Types of Batteries)
While you may only listen to the radio when you’re in your car, it’s important to have one in your home as well. A battery powered radio is and always will be a reliable way to get updates about what is going on in the world. It’s battery powered, so it’s not reliant on electricity. Just make sure you always have plenty of AA, C, and D batteries.
Of course, there are other needs that could be added to your list of 21 things to keep in your house, like plenty of pet food, video cameras, and protective devices. This is a good start though. Take good care of yourself, your home, and your loved ones.
Excuses people make instead of just saying you aren’t important enough for them to talk to.
I have to scrub my feet and toes.
I am about to watch this show on Netflix, so…
I’m about to heat up this Lean Cuisine meal.
Oh someone is on the other line I’ll call you back later (but they don’t).
I’m at work, got to get back. (Then they go and drink watered down office coffee and do nothing.)
Something hurts. Neck back ankle etc. Gotta go!
XYZ is happening right now and I have to go. So.
When people make up these types of excuses to get off the phone with you, it’s because they truly just do not want to talk to or help you. Know this and adjust your expectations.
One day, bet, they will probably come looking for you for help because right now they think they won’t ever need it.
Maya Angelou said when people show you who they are you have to believe them the first time. Do your best now to find other friends and people who you can really rely on.
Love Lynn
Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.
When I lost my best friend, my “person,” who had also been my
fiancé at one point, my life went into a tailspin. I expected my friends, who
extended across numerous backgrounds and experiences, to come to my aid at that
difficult time. In tears, I texted about seven of them to tell them the news
right after I heard. I got a few “sorry for your loss” messages back.
Then nothing. For months. From anyone. Not even my close family members.
I was in a state of shock, and I changed a lot in those months, which extended to years. I lost my lightness, my humor, and my confidence in people. I finally came to the realization that I no longer had any true friends after my best friend’s passing—I just had a lot of acquaintances. I just had people I know who knew me at one point.
As time went on, I started to get the impression that many of my former “friends” were quietly happy to learn that I was in distress. I was just a topic of gossip. In school and social settings, I had always been the life of the party, the one who always got the guy, and the one who took the lead. Now I was the depressed, grieving woman who was gaining weight, detaching from humanity, and losing her personality.
I wrote about this in several of my books. And I came to realize recently, all these years later, that this experience continues to have a very real effect on me, and how I navigate my relationships. I have a really hard time trusting people.
What Is a Friend?
A friend is someone who comes through for you when times are the toughest. Like a hero, she doesn’t run away from the problem, she charges forward to your rescue because she loves you and cares about your well-being. A friend tells you the truth. She isn’t secretly jealous of you. She invites you out because she genuinely wants to see you. She also makes time to come see you when she knows you need some company. She texts or contacts you at least a few times a week to see how you’re doing. To make sure you’re OK.
If you are blessed to have someone like this in your life, a real friend, cherish them and treat them the same way. It’s so important.
With each day, I see more evidence that social media has become a major distraction and that it may be negatively effecting the quality of our lives. Anxiety, confusion, depression, and a general lack of focus are plaguing many social media users. Television used to be the major distraction, but now Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram have become a daily obsession for many people.
I am guilty of being too easily distracted by social media apps. Almost every day the first thing I grab is my cell phone. The second thing I usually do is open Twitter and check the trending topics. So basically, the first thing I see when I awaken to a brand new day is the chaos and confusion that’s going on in the world at the moment.
Sometimes there’s a horrific story of something that happened the night before. Other times the news stories are completely focused on the latest atrocity committed by the person currently occupying the oval office. The rest of it is mostly chitter-chatter and topics that can make you feel like you’re losing a few IQ points with each scroll.
In my book You Matter I mentioned the need to take social media breaks. I think there is great value in “unplugging” and taking regular breaks from the chaos of social media. Here are a few tips for how to better manage your social media usage.
Understand that Too Much Information Isn’t Useful
Imagine going to college for four years and trying to get 20 different degrees at once. There’s no way that you will be able to retain enough information from all 20 of those subjects to become enlightened on any of them. That’s basically what happens when you allow yourself to be overwhelmed with too much information on social media apps. Choose one or two points of focus and become educated/enlightened/an expert on those subjects.
Choose an App, Just One App
There are so many social media apps available now, including dating apps, that it can be very overwhelming keeping up with them all. Choose one social media account to focus on and stick with that. Here are a few insights about the most common apps from my personal experience:
· Facebook is for people who like to connect with the people they already know.
· Twitter is for people who are more cerebral and like to express their quiet thoughts.
· Instagram is for exhibitionists (think “show and tell”) who want to be noticed.
· Snapchat seems to be more appealing to young teens who are looking for a distraction.
Create Lists and Segmented Timelines
As mentioned earlier, social media is chaotic because you’re bombarded with so many different topics at once. One minute you’re reading a story about a loving llama and the next thing you know you’re presented with a news story about a violent attack abroad. It’s no wonder so many people struggle with anxiety.
Create lists or segments of people who will provide you with the topics that you want to read on your timeline. Search for specific hashtags of interest (#GirlTalk or #PoliticsChat) instead of looking at general trending topics. I’m not that familiar with social media sites outside of Twitter, but I know they have a way of limiting what shows up on your timeline.
Set a Timer
If hours go by and you’re still on Facebook or Instagram scrolling through pictures, you have to start setting some limits for yourself. It’s unlikely that you’re being as productive as possible in your day if you spend hours looking at posts by other people. So set a 10 or 15-minute timer on your phone right before you open your favorite social media app. That is enough time to get a quick update about what’s going on in the world so that you can then get back to your world.
Make Your Password Impossible to Remember
Taking extended social media breaks are necessary, but it can be easier said than done. If you find yourself spending too much time on a particular app, fix it so that it’s easier to resist temptation. Create a long and complicated password that you’ll never remember. Reset the password on your social media account and then log off. Now, when you feel tempted to pop into Twitter to see what’s trending you’ll be forced to go through the whole password reset process again.
Getting off of social media and getting back to real life may not be that easy since we’ve largely become addicted to our cellphones over the past decade. But we at least have to start having a conversation about this. Recognize how social media addiction may be affecting your life. Take steps to balance out your day and better manage the information that you’re consuming.
Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.
I am guilty of being too easily distracted by social media apps. Almost every day the first thing I grab is my cell phone. The second thing I usually do is open Twitter and check the trending topics. So basically, the first thing I see when I awaken to a brand new day is the chaos and confusion that’s going on in the world at the moment.